Frequently Asked Questions

The funeral director's job is to assist the bereaved in various ways to help them through the loss of a loved one. A funeral director provides bereavement and consolation services for the living, in addition to making arrangements for the cremation, burial, and memorial services for the deceased. He fulfills the role of funeral arranger, funeral director, funeral attendant, and embalmer.

The following list is not all-inclusive, but describes some of the major tasks of a funeral director: 

•     Removal and transfer of the deceased from the place of death to the funeral home
•     Professional care of the deceased, including embalming, casketing, and cosmetology
•     Consulting with family to make arrangements for the funeral service
•     Filing certificates, permits, and other required forms
•     Obtaining copies of the death certificate
•     Arrangements with the cemetery, crematory, or other places of final disposition
•     Creates and publishes the obituary
•     Arrangements for clergy, music, flowers, transportation, pallbearers, and special fraternal or military services
•     Directs and manages the funeral service and the funeral procession
•     Assists the family with death-related claims, including Social Security, VA insurance, grief counseling

A traditional funeral involves a number of services which add to the total cost. Besides a non-declinable basic services fee, other charges may include removal/transfer of the body to the funeral home; embalming; other preparation of the body; use of facilities and staff for viewing; use of facilities and staff for the funeral ceremony; use of a hearse, service car, or van; a basic memorial printed package; metal casket, a vault or grave liner, and purchase of a cemetery plot.

A funeral or memorial service provides an opportunity for the living to show respect for the deceased and pay tribute to their life. It provides a framework to freely and openly express our beliefs, feelings, and thoughts about the death of our loved one. It gives us permission to grieve our loss, share in solidarity, and gain strength from others who are experiencing the same loss.

The four main types of funeral services include the traditional funeral service, the memorial service, the committal service, and the affirmation or celebration of life service.

Yes, cremation or burial is merely the disposition of the body. Funeral services are to honor and remember your loved one, regardless of disposition.

Pre-arranging funeral services can be done regardless of the final disposition. Pre-arranging is simply recording your wishes with the funeral home and prefunding if you choose to do so.

• Advance Directives - If the deceased left any written advance directives concerning the disposition of his remains and memorialization, you need to bring them with you. These instructions may be found in a will, or there may be a formally witnessed disposition directive, funeral pre-arrangements, or a pre-need contract.
• Military Discharge Papers
• Details on any cemetery property owned by the deceased or the family (grave plot, columbarium space, etc.)
• Recent photograph of the deceased and any personal effects that you wish to be included in the viewing or burial
• Specific information on the deceased: 
•     Full legal name
•     Address
•     Marital status
•     Social Security number
•     Date of birth
•     Place of birth (city and state)
•     Educational history (number of years of schooling)
•     Armed Forces service dates and serial number
•     Occupation or profession
•     Parent's names, including mother's maiden name
•     Next of kin and other survivors

Participating in a funeral as a pallbearer is a time-honored tradition and a sign of trust. It’s both an honor and a responsibility. After all, you have been asked to accompany a dearly loved person to their final resting place, which means the family trusts and values you. However, if this is your first time acting as a pallbearer, you may feel a little unsure of the dos and don’ts of pallbearer etiquette. We’ve got you covered! Let’s review some tips for pallbearer etiquette.

1. Understand the honor you’ve been given

Carrying the casket is a privilege that should be treated with poise, respect, and dignity. By asking you to participate, the family is showing how much they value your role in their loved one’s life. If for some reason you think you won’t be able to complete the duties of a pallbearer, don’t be afraid to turn it down. Some common reasons for not accepting the responsibility are that you are unable to attend the funeral, unable to carry the casket (the casket alone can weigh up to 500 pounds), or you’re feeling very emotional about the loss and feel unable to do it well.

2. Arrive at the expected time (don’t be late!)

Make sure to arrive at the funeral event an hour prior to the service. This will ensure that you are present for all aspects of the funeral and give you time to talk with the  funeral director about your pallbearer duties. While there will be six or eight pallbearers in total, it’s best for everyone to arrive on time, identify each other, and be on the same page to ensure everything runs smoothly. Typically pallbearers will assist the funeral director in bring in the casket prior to guests arriving.

3. Talk to the funeral director about expectations

Every funeral is different. For some funerals, you will help carry the casket from the funeral service to the funeral car and from the funeral car to the graveside service. For other services, you may be expected to carry the casket into the building, set it down for the service, and then out to the funeral car afterward. To keep things simple, take a few moments to talk to the funeral director to get a good sense of what’s expected of you and where you need to be when. Sometimes, there’s a special place for pallbearers to sit during the service. Make sure to stay with the group if this is the case.

4. Dress appropriately

Unless there’s a theme for the funeral as part of the personalization, then it’s generally expected for pallbearers to wear dark and modest clothing. For men, dark suits with ties work well; for women, a dark dress or pant suit. Everyone should wear comfortable shoes to ensure easy movement and extra stability when walking over uneven ground. If you are active or retired military, you might consider wearing your uniform, but ask the family first.

5. Watch your step

Because you are sharing this responsibility with six to eight other pallbearers, make sure that you walk slowly and evenly. Stay in step with the other pallbearers, going at a steady pace. 

6. Be dependable

Once you accept the request to act as pallbearer, the family is counting on you to take part in this time honoured moment and to help make the funeral a healing experience by being on time and fulfilling the pallbearer duties.

7. Turn off or silence your phone

8. Stick around for a bit

It’s generally expected that pallbearers will stay after all services are complete to ensure there’s nothing the family needs. During this time, offer your condolences and support. Ask if there’s anything you can assist with (like taking flowers or personal items to vehicles). Once the family lets you know that they’re good, feel free to head out.

As a pallbearer, you’ve been given an opportunity to serve the family and pay your respects through a meaningful and healing action. Take it in and consider your pallbearer duties an act of love and respect. Don’t stress about your role – the family has everything planned and organized. If you have any questions at all, simply ask the funeral director. 

If you need to write an obituary for a family member who has died, or if you are planning ahead by writing an obituary for yourself, here is a step-by-step guide to what to include and how to say it.

Getting Started:

If you are working with a funeral home, funeral directors can help with writing and publishing the obituary.

Here are the six basic steps to writing a successful obituary. It’s okay to be creative — some of the most beautiful obituaries are ones that don’t follow a standard formula — but whatever style of tribute you choose to write, include as many of these key obituary details as you can. 

Essential Elements of an Obituary

 Announce the death

 Share their life story

 List family members

 Include funeral / memorial information

 Add charity information

 Select a photo

1. Announce the death.

Begin the obituary with a statement that highlights basic facts about your loved one, including their full name (first, middle, and last names, maiden name, nickname, and suffixes like Jr. or Sr.), where they lived, age, date and place of death, and how they died. You can present this information in a straightforward, factual way, or more uniquely.

And there are many ways to say that someone has “died” (“departed,” “passed away,” “went to be with her Lord,” and “entered eternal rest” are some of the most common), so choose the expression you prefer. 

Some examples of simple opening statements would be: 

“Kunkle, Roderick Robert, age 79 of Saskatoon, passed away November 4, 2006…” 

“Joan Mildred Johnson, age 90, of Calgary, AB died August 23, 2018, in her hometown…” 

“Elizabeth Williams Leary Panetta, history teacher and world traveler, died on September 10, 2015, at Regina Pasqua Hosptial, Regina, from complications of breast cancer…” 

Some more unique examples we’ve seen recently include humorous openings like:

“Terry Wayne Ward, age 71, of Wadena, SK, escaped this mortal realm on Tuesday, January 23rd, 2018, leaving behind 32 jars of Miracle Whip, 17 boxes of Hamburger Helper and multitudes of other random items that would prove helpful in the event of a zombie apocalypse…” 

“Robert Clyde Drew, beloved husband, father, and Papa, drew his last breath January 25, 2018, mainly, we suspect, to prevent himself from having to watch the Roughriders and Stampeders play their next game...” 

There are many reasons to include cause of death in the obituary: to inform the community, to acknowledge your loved one’s battle with illness, to raise awareness about a disease, or simply to reduce the number of times you are asked “How did he die?” That said, some families are not comfortable sharing this information. Do what is best for you and your family. 

2. Share their life story.  

An obituary does more than simply announce a death — an obituary tells us something about a person’s life. You can hit the highlights of your loved one’s life story, share a favorite memory, talk about what was important to them or what you will miss the most. 

Biographical information you may wish to include in the obituary:

 Date and place of birth, marriage, and death

 Hometown, places lived

 Schools attended, degrees earned

 Places of employment and positions held

 Military service and rank

 Membership in organizations

 Place of worship

 Hobbies or special interests

3. List family members.

Most obituaries name surviving family members of the person passing as well as those who died previously. Deciding whom to include in the obituary can be difficult. Start with next of kin (spouse or partner, parents, children, siblings, grandparents and grandchildren) and list individually by name or group together as needed (e.g. “five grandchildren and eleven great-grandchildren”).

Consider the people most important to your loved one — nieces and nephews, aunts and uncles, cousins, a fiancé, closest friends. Even if they were not blood relatives, you may wish to include these loved ones in the obituary. Nowadays, obituaries commonly include devoted caregivers, life-long friends, and even pets. 

4. Include funeral or memorial service information. 

The obituary typically is published at least a day or two before the funeral service will be held and provides the community with important service information. Include the dates, times, and locations of the visitation, funeral, burial, and/or memorial service. Also include the name of the funeral home so that others can contact them with any questions about the services or sympathy flowers. Be sure to indicate if services are private.  

5. Add charity information. 

Obituaries often request donations to a specific charity. There may be charities or organizations that were important to your loved one. Or perhaps the family would like to “pay it forward” by asking for donations to an organization that raises awareness about an illness. 

The family may wish to have people donate to memorial fund started at your loved one’s alma mater, or a fund to help cover funeral expenses. For any donation request, be sure to include the name of the charity or fund as well as an address or website where people can send donations.  

If the family prefers charitable donations or monetary contributions rather than flowers, include a phrase such as “In lieu of flowers,” followed by “please consider a donation to the American Heart Association,” “contributions suggested to the family,” or “the family is requesting financial assistance for the services.” 

6. Select a photo. 

A photo helps bring the obituary to life, so choose a photo that shows your loved one’s personality. A portrait or close-up of your loved one’s face typically works best. The photo can be recent or from their youth, it’s up to you. Some newspapers may even allow you to choose more than one for print. Be sure to check with the newspaper for any specific requirements.

If you are working with a funeral home, they will be able to assist you with formatting the photo and obituary and submitting to newspapers. If you’re having a hard time selecting just one photo, keep in mind that you likely will be able to add more photos and even video on the online version of the obituary. 

Want your loved one’s obituary to be extra special?

Consider these tips on how to make sure an obituary is unforgettable:

1. Start with a memorable story.

What was a moment that defined what kind of person they were? Begin with a few sentences telling that story — that’s how you’ll capture people’s hearts.

2. Tell where they grew up and why that mattered.

Everyone’s life has a beginning. Who raised them? Where? How did their early days point toward their life to follow?

3. Tell what they loved.

What got them excited? A hobby or a cause, an accomplishment or an appreciation — what did they talk about the most? Faith, music, work, charity, family life? Share whatever it is that they’d be eager to tell someone about.

4. Tell whom they loved.

Almost everyone had someone in their life, sometime, who meant the world to them. Whether that’s a spouse, children, parents, a best friend, a dear teacher — take a few words and remember the relationships that were the most important to them and why.

5. Tell what you’ll remember most about them.

It can be both sad and joyful to think about what we’ll miss after our loved one dies. Putting it into words keeps them closer to us in spirit — and it brings all of us who remember them closer together in love.

Reading at a Funeral:

You may  have been asked to read at a funeral or you may have offered to do so.  You might be reading a poem, or you could be delivering a eulogy or tribute. Short or long, remember that reading at a funeral is an honour, this role is an act of love and respect for the person who has died. 

Let’s look first at the different types of funeral reading:

If you are reading a funeral tribute, the likelihood is that you wrote it yourself and so you will have the advantage of it being in your ‘voice’ already. This will make it more comfortable to read, especially if you write it in a speaking style. 

Prose readings might be shorter, but they could contain phrases or words that don’t roll off the tongue so easily, especially if they are religious texts or written in a very formal or old-fashioned style. 

Poems - there are a lot of funeral poems out there, and poems make up the majority of funeral readings. Poems aren’t always the easiest thing to read, even though they’re often the shorter.

Practise your funeral reading until you know it well:

Get to know what you’ll be reading. You don’t have to memorise it, but you do need to be very familiar with it so that the words are comfortable in your mouth. It will be helpful to read it aloud until you are reading with ease. You don’t have to have an audience but do read it out loud. If you are reading a tribute, eulogy or other long reading you might be reading for several minutes and this could take some getting used to.

Not only will rehearsing your funeral reading out loud be helpful to get comfortable with the words, but practising like this will also help you to notice the parts that feel most emotional. This will be useful for on the day, when you’ll know exactly where in the script to slow down, take a breath and regather yourself.

Follow the phrases, not the lines:

If you’re reading a poem, follow the phrases, not necessarily the lines – they’ll feel so much more natural that way. Try to see past the line breaks and find the meaning and sense in the phrases. When you read it this way, it makes so much more sense. If you’re not quite sure how a poem should sound, it’s worth looking it up on YouTube and seeing how different people have read it for inspiration. 

Some people say that they want to speak off the cuff when they are giving a tribute at a funeral. Please don’t do this! Even if you are a very experienced public speaker, reading a funeral tribute is a whole different ball game from giving an after-dinner speech or making a presentation at work, especially if you are a close friend or relative. 

When you are getting to know your funeral reading by rehearsing it over and over, you will start to get a feel for its pace and for the parts you want to emphasise. You might, for example, want to linger over an important word or phrase that you feel captures your loved one perfectly. Or perhaps you’d like to share a funny anecdote that would benefit from a quicker pace and a raised voice as you relay the tale, slowing down later for a more reflective part.

Don’t be afraid to ‘color in’ your funeral reading by varying your tone and pitch as fits the words that you are speaking. Record yourself doing your reading, if you like, and notice if there are any parts that need emphasising or the pace changing to make it have more impact. 

Don’t attempt to read from a phone or from your handwritten first draft that is covered in crossings out and scribbles in the margin – you will find the visual stress distracting in the moment. Print your funeral reading out in a large, double-spaced font. Underline or highlight words you want to linger over for emphasis. Draw squiggles and marks in whatever way makes sense to you that show you to speed up, slow down, or watch out – there’s a tear triggering bit coming up. Keep rehearsing, using these notes to self to help you.

Other Helpful Tips:

Visualisation: A simple yet powerful thing you can do both to improve your reading on the day and to help to calm your nerves, is visualisation. In the run-up to the day of the funeral, take a few minutes each day to sit or stand quietly with your eyes closed. Visualise yourself at the funeral, walking up to the lectern, and delivering your tribute, poem or reading clearly and confidently. ‘See’ yourself standing tall, and the grateful expressions on the faces of the other people there. ‘Hear’ those words you’ve been rehearsing coming out in just the way you want them to. ‘Feel’ how good it feels to be doing this for your loved one. 

Breathe: It’s the moment! The celebrant has introduced your reading and you’re making your way to the front… Don’t be in a rush. You have time to get to the lectern, arrange your reading, and breathe. Stopping and taking a deep breath just for a second before you start will get your head in the right place. Use the time to remember that visualisation you did and ‘see’ yourself calm and collected.

Ground Yourself: Another thing that some people find helpful when they’re about to read at a funeral is to mentally ground themselves. To do this, take a moment to become aware of the feeling of the floor beneath your feet. Focus on that place, feel ‘rooted’ into the ground, and take a breath, imagining it coming up through your feet. 

Slow Down: Nerves make people’s brains work faster, and that means they speak faster too. Slow down! Speak much slower than your instinct tells you. Your rehearsals will help with this, as will your annotated funeral reading. Take breaths between sentences, pause and focus on delivering each word without rushing or tripping over it.

Use the microphone: The chances are that you will have a microphone at the lectern.  These help a lot, but you will still need to slow down and speak clearly, as mentioned in my last point. If you don’t have a microphone, remember that your words need to be heard even at the back of the room. You don’t need to shout, but you will need to project as much as you can. This is especially important if you have anyone who is hard of hearing at the funeral. 

Don’t worry about your emotions: Many people worry that they won’t be able to do a funeral reading without crying. Please try not to worry about this. You’re at a funeral of a loved one after all. Here are some things you can do if it feels too much:

• Remember that your celebrant will be on hand to take over if needed.

• Don’t be afraid to stop for a moment. Go back to your visualisation of you delivering the funeral reading calmly, take another breath, focus on the feeling of the ground beneath your feet, regroup and carry on.

• You could ask a loved one to come up to the lectern with you. Having someone there, perhaps with their hand on your back, really can help.

• Make sure you have a couple of tissues on hand before you begin.

• Take a small bottle of water up with you. Sometimes, pausing to have a quick sip will help you to gather yourself – and it will cure a nervous dry mouth too.

• Remember that it’s ok to cry. Not only is it ok for you to cry, but you might just give ‘permission’ for other people to let go as well. 

You have been asked to attend to the funeral guestbook. This allows people attending the funeral a chance to sign in and let the grieving family know they attended the memorial. 

Funeral Guestbook Tips:

• Bring the guestbook to several locations. Not everyone will attend everything, and many visitors might not see the guestbook initially when they’re at the funeral home. So bring the funeral guestbook to the wake, to the funeral, to the visitation – wherever else friends and family members will gather in remembrance of their lost loved one.

• Arrive at least one hour prior to the funeral service.

• Ask friends and family attending the services to sign in. If there is a place for their address, please remind them to fill in their mailing address as this may be of use for the family should they send out thank you cards.

• Collect sympathy cards in one location (usually a basket on the table).

• Hand out the funeral programs.

• Gather up all supplies and cards at the end of the service and make sure that it is given to the family.

Remember that a guestbook is meant to help friends and family members look back at the funeral to see who attended. This will help them look back fondly on what is otherwise a painful day.